so this is the new year

I know that human brains gobble up patterns and ritual like there’s no tomorrow, and while there is technically no difference between the December 31st of one year and the January 1st of the next it nevertheless feels like the turn of the year is when I am granted a brief reprieve from physical reality in which I get to believe that I’m the kind of person who can effect change just by wanting it a lot.

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books of 2019

I read 104 books this year! Not including 10 books that I started and gave up on. Goodreads tells me that’s 32,886 pages, which seems like an awful lot of pages. I’m pretty proud of the fact that I averaged a steady clip of 2 books per week, but I’m also starting to suspect that I’ve been approaching these reading challenges as an end in and of itself—that is, as a metric to be tracked and gamified, not for the pure enjoyment of reading. Growth mentalities are unsustainable everywhere, even in beloved hobbies. In 2020, I’d like to make a conscious effort to read fewer books more deeply, to re-read books that have shaped my thinking, and with any luck, to write more about them.

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how to find a therapist

One of my absolute favourite things to be asked is whether I have any advice for finding a therapist. This is because:

  1. I’m a huge fan of mental health and people getting help and treatment.
  2. I’m extremely honoured that people trust me to treat their question with care, to keep their confidence, and to provide good advice.
  3. I really love telling people what to do.

I’ve been getting this question more frequently recently so I thought I’d write up a guide for easy reference. I’m located in Toronto, Canada, but most of this advice applies across the board. There’s also a list of self-guided resources at the bottom if you’re not quite ready to take that plunge.

Disclaimer: I have no professional training in health care of any variety. My credentials mainly consist of having had five therapists in four cities in two countries and interviewed many more, so I’ve done this a lot. Comments and suggestions super welcome.

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books of 2018

I read 84 books this year ! Holy shit! That is more books than I have ever read in any previous year. Goodreads says that amounts to 25,596 pages and that sounds like a lot of pages. I attribute this mostly to the Toronto Public Library and its excellent and extensive ebook library, because I read 68 of those 84 books in the last seven months of 2018 after moving back to Toronto. Support your local public library, y’all. Also, I got a job in an office where after work I go home and don’t continue working forever, so that helps. Plus, I’m not running three other side projects at the same time. Aren’t you proud of me?

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the thing with feathers

I know that practically every generation has thought that the end times were nigh, but it’s hard for me not to think that maybe this time we could be right. After all, we have Science now, more information than our brains were ever meant to absorb, and if I think too much about the bees and the coral reefs and the antibiotics and the cellphones in our hands and in our oceans and the borders and walls and cages and guns and bombs —

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the thing about places and homes

Toronto was my first view of Canada, a grey slushy view in the dead of March that called into question my parents’ entire sanity. After the idyll of a tiny German university town (complete with castle ruins!), nothing about this place that was too big and too loud and too cold made sense. It had giant box stores in the middle of the city and a downtown that wasn’t entirely dedicated to pedestrians. It was basically barbaric.

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things that get my hackles up: a countdown

  1. non-tech people trash talking tech products that don’t function perfectly as though tech were easy
  2. tech people trash talking tech products that don’t function exactly the way they want them to as though tech were easy
  3. non-tech people citing Arthur C Clarke’s “sufficiently advanced technology” quote as an excuse for wilful ignorance about the technical systems they use
  4. tech people citing Arthur C Clarke’s “sufficiently advanced technology” quote as a justification for hostility and contempt towards their users
  5. non-tech people rationalizing bad product decisions as though tech being hard were an excuse for mediocrity
  6. tech people rationalizing bad ethical decisions as though tech being hard were an excuse for perpetuating social harm
  7. non-tech people thinking the latest brand new disruptive app will generate enough cover to distract from the labour-hostile late-stage capitalist systems they’ve built
  8. tech people latching onto universal basic income because it absolves them of the massive inequalities they’ve perpetuated
  9. the macbook pro touchbar
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books of 2016

I read 65 books in 2016. Some random numbers:

At least 1 female author: 54%
At least 1 PoC author: 18% (Yikes – I’ll have to do better about that)
Nonfiction: 29% (this is way higher than normal and I am v proud!)
Fantasy: 20%
Comic books: 14%
YA: 11%
Mystery: 11%
Sci-Fi: 8%
Literary: 8%

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be neville longbottom

Donald Trump is President-elect of the United States of America.

This was a shock, but it was also not a surprise. It is always a mistake to underestimate the depth of bigotry.

I have spent most of the day staring off into nothing. I have not gone more than half an hour without tearing up or outright crying. I am already sick and tired of reading postmortems but I cannot stop clicking them like a hamster on speed, looking for something that could have saved you, could have saved us. I am angry at everybody. I am angry at everything. I want to tear shit up and burn things down. I want to disappear.

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talking is not enough

Bell Let’s Talk always makes me super uncomfortable for reasons I can never quite articulate. Part of it is because I dislike a company advertising for itself on the backs of advocacy for mental health awareness. I get that this campaign is more effective at raising awareness across the country than Bell just silently throwing a whole gob of money at CAMH, but the ads don’t have to be so damn branded. (Note: I have similar issues with the Dove Campaign co-opting feminism. You didn’t start the conversation, you’re just benefiting from it.)

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